I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
