Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
