do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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