I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
