We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
