Me. At least after what I've been through.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
