with your own penis?
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
