I murdered the dance floor call the cops
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
