You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
