Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
