Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
