New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
