Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Randomize