Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
