I feel great
I just peed on a car
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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