No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
