Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
