he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Randomize
