I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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