my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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