so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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