How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
