I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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