i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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