Your face is a jimmy john
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
