Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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