We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
What drink are we having for lunch?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
