i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
well you can't waste a boner
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
