I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize
