I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
