So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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