my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
