First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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