If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
im six kinds of drunk right now
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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