My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
