the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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