Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
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