we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
please come you make the beer taste better
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
