I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
