I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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