She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
