420 ftw
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
