and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
