you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
