Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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