you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
