I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
