This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I think i got beer on your cat.
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