Kiss
Puke
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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