So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
