u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
