Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
