I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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