upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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