and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
