she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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