Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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