New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize