No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
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