On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize