Sacagawea was the original milf.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
