I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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