Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
