why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
