I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
The Olympian is in my bed
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
