That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
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