"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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